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- "Does Joe Jackson *have* to be in his videos?" -Gallagher
- "Don't go behind the couch. That's where the crack monster lives!"
- "Don't put your butt over your head." -Gallagher
- "Every danged one of ya burns yer quiche!" -Gallagher
- "Heck, I'm gonna have scrambled eggs." -Gallagher
- "If it's on you can see its on, if it's off you can't see to read"
- "If someone you loves can't sleep.... drug 'em!" -Gallagher
- "So the gorilla got hair. Me, I get brains." -Gallagher
- "Styyyyyyle!" -Gallagher
- "The drugs are for me and momma." -Gallagher
- "They got locks on the door at the 7-11s that're open 24 hours"
- "What the heck do I need a watermelon for?"= -Gallagher
- "Where do contractors go when they get their job half done?" -Gallagher
- "Why do they call it fast when it goes so slow?"
- "You don't have a baby. The baby has you." -Gallagher
- <|>Cowboy >|<Lady at a party... -Gallagher
- [ . ] =Gallagher on his sofa
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